I don't know

So this blog is supposed to be "real" right? It's not supposed to be sunshine and roses all the time. Cause nobody is like that. Well here goes. I apologize in advance for those of you who read for just the "what's up with jamie and aaron" kinda thing.

So...I'm depressed. I have gotten this way occasionally over the years and I've done the medicine (still do) and the therapy (go figure) and just letting it pass. Right now I'm near tears and I don't know why. Well...I kinda have some ideas.

1. my weight. It's something I've struggled with for about 5 years now and it can reeeeally get me down. I've gained 7-9 lbs since the wedding...almost all of what I lost to begin with. I've started WW (again, for real this time). I KNOW it will get better but the waiting sucks. I constantly think about it. About food. About how my pants are tight and hurt when I sit down. About working out but just don't have the energy once I get home. (we're gone from 7 to about 6:30)
2. My parents. It's a major, life-altering, world-view changing, experience that is different everyday. Some days I'm fine. Some days I'm positive and upbeat. Some days I'm really scared. Some days I don't know what to think or say.
3. My job. stressful. Rare feelings of worth and actually making a difference
4. Haley. The unbelievable feeling of NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A DAMN THING TO FIX IT. This has always been one of my major weaknesses. I am a fixer. A doer. If there's something to say, I say it. If there's a problem I fix it, or find out how. "Wait" doesn't exist for me. I know I do things to myself that makes it worse. I need to stop.
5. WINTER. I need sun. and warm weather. and no coat. and a TAN. It always makes me feel thinner and prettier.

I've been thinking about up-ing the dose of my med, but I think I'm already at the max. I've changed meds once before and that was a nightmare. I think I'll just wait this one out. And maybe tan :)

Mom, I know you are packing your bag right now. I'm fine. I'm ok. Just using the blog for what it is meant to be used for. Release. Reflection. I feel better already.

In other news, grandma used one of my biggest pots to soak her underwear. I walked into the laundry room the other morning and saw my biggest pot with her undies and some soapy water. I said to Aaron, "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE DOING WITH MY POT??!!" He of course shrugged his shoulders and said "yea, she does that." *@#$*@ She also put cat food in the bird feeder outside. Evidently they liked it cause now they fly down to the cat dish and grab a piece and fly off.

We had a snow/ice storm last week. Aaron and I stayed in a hotel for 3 days and gma stayed with her sister here in Tulsa. Needless to say, she was ready to go home waaaay before we came and got her. We got 1/2 inch of ice and about 6 inches of snow.